Subject: GUBERNATORIAL SHOCKER


Updated August 8, 2003


Breaking News

SEABISCUIT ENTERS GOVERNOR'S RACE

Trounces Schwarzenegger in Latest Poll
by Andy Borowitz

Seabiscuit, the star of the hit Universal Pictures release bearing his name,
has entered the hotly contested California gubernatorial race, election
officials confirmed today.

The celebrated horse, who is running as a Democrat, is likely to pose the
strongest challenge to the newly announced candidacy of actor Arnold
Schwarzenegger, who declared his intentions one day earlier.

At Schwarzenegger for Governor headquarters, jittery campaign aides
indicated that they were "blindsided" by the critically acclaimed mammal's
decision to run.

"All this time, we thought we'd be facing off against Arianna Huffington, or
maybe Diane Feinstein," one Schwarzenegger aide said. "If we'd known that
Seabiscuit would be running, we might never have gotten into this thing."

According to a new poll released today, Seabiscuit would trounce
Schwarzenegger by a 64% to 32% margin, with the remaining 4% favoring a
write-in candidacy for Nemo, the star of this summer's "Finding Nemo"
blockbuster.

Seabiscuit started his campaign on the offensive today, challenging Mr.
Schwarzenegger to a series of televised debates on the issues of crime, the
environment and the economy.

At Schwarzenegger headquarters, campaign aides said it was highly unlikely
that Mr. Schwarzenegger would accept Seabiscuit's debate challenge, since
the film actor was likely to suffer in comparison to the world-renowned
horse.

"Seabicuit neighs and whinnies a lot, but he's still a lot easier to
understand than Arnold," one aide admitted.

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